Tried everything and your marriage is still not great? You’re taking the wrong approach. We often approach marriage improvement by trying to be a better spouse and by working to understand our spouse better. But these five shifts will change how you see your role and improve the health of your marriage.

From the outside, my life looked like a dream, but behind the picture-perfect image was a reality I didn’t see. My husband’s covert manipulation, lies, and deception kept me trapped in a cycle of confusion and pain.

If you try to be compliant and agreeable, you may have a hard time knowing how to be assertive. Setting boundaries and having them respected can be a challenge. But here are eight ways a compliant spouse can calmly resist being controlled.